Empty Nest - A client's journey to finding herself

The beautiful Kerry came to me sharing that she didn’t know who she was any more. The last of her children had flown the nest and at first she felt free as they would still call her and ‘need’ her, but as time went on they found their feet and less time was spent asking for help.

This was when she found herself wondering ‘Where do I fit in? Who am I?’

Although everyone’s experience is unique, Kerry’s feeling around a loss of identity is something we all go through in our lives as one chapter closes and a new one begins.

Kerry’s journey was full of laughter, tears, and as she puts it ‘some tough sessions mentally and emotionally’. Together we explored:

• beliefs and expectations she held around what it meant to be loved and needed.
• past traumas that were showing up in her daily life and were leading to her playing the role of the responsible one who struggled to prioritise herself - helping her learn how to safely heal from this.  
• who she was at her core – what lit her up, what brought her joy, what activities she loved, what enabled her to feel whole as a person outside of her relationships with others.

Below is an excerpt from an essay Kerry wrote at the end of her journey, which she has graciously allowed me to share with you - as I feel no one can really capture the experience of coaching as well as the person whose journey it was.

Excerpts from an Empty Nest - By Kerry Bocock 

In 2020 after covid lockdowns the last of the monkeys left home, at first I loved the freedom and the fact they still needed me. As time went on, they found their feet and less time was spent asking for help.

This was when I started asking where do I fit it as the Mama into their lives and futures, along with the big QUESTION Who Am I? Who is this women who raised these two on her own with support of some great friends. I have changed, they have grown, where do I fit in?

I needed to grieve first as I lost my world. Twenty-five years of having toddlers and children under my feet, along with many hours as a taxi driver, first aider, coach and teacher, and just being a mum to these two monkeys. I missed seeing some of the firsts that I had always been a part of. I had always been there, now I needed to hear about it through the phone and well o well I felt redundant.

In 2023 things changed I had that time to learn they were going to be ok with or without me. With the support and recommendation of a great boss, I was advised to give Life Coaching a go with Sarah Trass.

Each fortnight I looked forward to meeting with Sarah, we talked and I shared what I wanted to achieve, she would send me home with positive home work. Some of the sessions were tough mentally and emotionally, and I can tell you I cried and let go of past trauma, and the expectations I had put on myself.

I started to grow and find the activities that brought me joy, remembering that it is ok to put myself first, listen to the birds, just being in the moment. I was not day dreaming, I was actively working on myself. I started baking, cooking, and bringing the joy back into my life that was not about the monkeys. I found my love of books, reading is my happy place where I disconnected and connected with characters again.  

The biggest learning from this that I took, was that making myself busy and filling my life with feeling ‘needed’ didn’t matter – who I was doing it all for was everyone else, but it wasn’t filling me and giving me my identity back.

I started picking what I wanted to do, who I wanted to see, and asking was it a value to me in this moment….I am not letting anyone down by choosing ME!

I now love myself.

I am trying new skills, Pilates, Yoga which I am laughing so much through each session…Reading more books, enjoying travelling in the caravan and finding new interests.

So, thank you to all who participated in my journey of finding ME, encouraging ME, and most of all accepting ME as Kerry – not someone’s mum, wife, of friend. Just and always Kerry.

Love always, Kerry xxx

If in reading Kerry’s journey you feel a tug in your heart, or a part of you whispers ‘this is me’, I’d love to work with you and guide you on your own journey to finding joy and self-love. 

With love,

Sarah x