Recently a loved one spoke to me in a confronting way about a situation. Throughout the conversation all they could focus on was how my behaviour didn’t meet their expectations – what they wanted me to do, what they believed about the situation, and how they wanted me to handle it.
If you’re like me, I grew up believing –
- Your parents/elders/teachers/authoritative figures knew best, including what’s best for you.
- You should trust your head over your heart, because intuition is unfounded.
- There are elements of who you are that’s un-acceptable, and should be tempered.
- Your power lies in your appearance, your pay-check, your successes, your title, your gender, your race.
So in the past, this interaction would’ve rattled me right down to my core. I would’ve slipped into beliefs around not being good enough, and immediately would’ve agreed with what they were saying to earn their approval. Because that’s what I’d allowed to happen growing up.
I allowed my sense of value and worth to come from other’s approval AND I allowed myself to be shaped and moulded by their opinions, beliefs, and expectations.
But here’s the thing.
- You don’t have to be the person other’s need you to be.
- You don’t have to behave in a certain way, simply to fit into other’s views of the world.
- Your power and sense of self isn’t something others give to you.
Stop for a second and re-read that last point…. Your power and sense of self isn’t something others give to you. How good does that feel?
When I learnt this for myself, everything changed. I stopped relying on others to grant me sense of worth and power. I stepped up and took responsibility for my life and how I chose to live it. I stayed grounded in my truth and boundaries, even in conflicting or uncomfortable situations.
Because ultimately it’s up to you to become the person you want to be.
Taking ownership of my life meant I had to make the choice to I stop living in my old beliefs and programming, and explore for myself –
- Who I wanted to be.
- How I wanted to show up in the way I spoke, thought, behaved, looked.
- What I stood for and how that played out in my life.
So, this month my challenge for you is to take ownership of your life. If you reflect on your day-day interactions, are you taking full responsibility of them? Are you living in accordance with who you want to be? If not, where are you giving your power over to someone else and what needs to shift here?
As always thank you so much for taking the time to sit with me and ponder life’s bigger questions. All my love,