Sarah Trass

Is it love or are you just being compliant?


“Sometimes loving someone involves affirming your separateness, not your sameness”.


I love this quote by Bethany Webster, as it speaks to one of the biggest obstacles I see when it comes to setting boundaries – particularly when it comes to loved ones.

People often say to me they’re scared of causing conflict, coming across mean and selfish, or pushing people away, by putting in place some boundaries.


When I hear this I know they’re falling into old programming that tells them that compliance = love and acceptance.

This isn’t true.

You don’t have to agree with someone in order for them to love you, and vice versa. A healthy relationship acknowledges and honours your separateness, and provides safety for one another by allowing you to have both healthy boundaries AND acceptance.


Thoughts to ponder:

  1. Where in your life are you mistaking compliance with love? 
  2. Would you be willing to hold space for others to disagree with you whilst staying open and loving?


With love, 

Sarah xx 

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Sarah x